Vince is gone again...BOOOOOOO.....he'll be home on Friday but it still sucks, no matter how long he's gone! But at the same time it's nice for us to have a little break, gives us a little perspective and appreciation for each other! :) I do manage to get a lot done while he's gone though, Sam and I spent 2 hours mucking out her room on Sunday afternoon....3 trash bags and 3 give-away bags later, it looks SO good in there, we'll see how long it lasts! Got the yard cleaned up, the house picked up, and of course some scrapping done! This is the latest page for Busy Bee, the challenge was to use 7 or more pictures and I managed to get it done, although I'm not loving it too much...the girls I work with are SO awesome, it's kind of intimidating at times! Hopefully I rank right up there with the rest of 'em!

On Friday, May 4th, there was a horrible accident right near my school...we heard the sirens during 5th period, we commented on how many we heard, wondering what was going on...little did we know how horrible it would be. The Coble family was coming home from their son Kyle's Mother's Day tea at his preschool, they were hit from behind by a semi truck...all 3 of their children were killed in the accident. I cannot imagine the unspeakable pain their parents must be feeling, you should SEE the community...on EVERY SINGLE tree, sign, lamppost there are 3 ribbons; 2 pink and 1 blue...for Emma (age 4), Katie (age 2) and Kyle (had just turned 5 the day before the accident). It breaks my heart to think of that family and their pain and suffering, that Lori and Chris Coble will never hug their babies again, never wrap another birthday present, never coach another little league game...I consider myself a person of great faith, but tragedies like this make me question Him and the things that happen in this world. Why THEM? Why this family? Why 3 babies who had so much life left? Hug your babies tighter for a mother and father who can't anymore...

http://www.ocregister.com/ocregister/homepage/abox/article_1681224.php

Should I be irritated????? Vince didn't tell his parents that my grandpa died so they have no idea he and I are going home this weekend...when I asked him why he didn't say anything, his response was "I thought it'd be a nice Mother's Day surprise" Are you freaking kidding me??????? We're going home for my grandpa's FUNERAL and to spend time with MY family...he couldn't even be bothered to tell his parents, "Anne's grandpa died last week" My parents would be the FIRST people I would go to if something like this happened in Vince's family, they would most likely attend the funeral, send condolences to his parents, etc...I guess yet another glaring difference between our families....UGH......

Long overdue but happy birthday my sweet baby girl....I love you!

YIKES! I hate it when I don't update here...not that many people read it ;) But it's nice to update for ME every now and then. I used to journal a lot but this is kind of taking the place of the traditional "pen & paper" style journaling I used to do!

Let's see...what's going on here....still no word on a new job, I put in for a transfer so we'll see where that goes. Medieval Faire was hectic, chaotic, frustrating at times, but the kids had a blast and I am happy about that...even happier that it is DONE! It's like planning a wedding for 450 inept 12 year olds...lol Went off with quite a few hitches, but oh well, we got through it!

After several months with cancer, my grandpa passed away on Monday. I was so exhausted from the weekend in San Francisco with my kids, then Medieval Faire right away on Monday...I was so looking forward to a relaxing night at home (read: GOING TO BED EARLY) I talked to my mom and dad who were enjoying a few days in Vegas, dad mentioned that grandpa had been taken to hospice care on Sunday afternoon...then a few minutes later my uncle called my dad's other line...I immediately knew it couldn't be good as it was 11:30 pm in MN when he called...not normal...so I literally sat on my bed with my cell phone in my lap knowing it was only a matter of time before I got another phone call...sure enough my mom called 15 minutes later. He had 86 good years, but I am beating myself up over not having called. I kept coming up with lame ass reasons why it wasn't a good time, and I'd "call tomorrow"......so I never got to say goodbye and tell him I love him. I know I shouldn't be kicking my own ass over that, but I think part of me always will; regardless of the fact that he KNOWS how much I love him. I'm sad for my grandma, I'm sad for my dad, I'm sad for my kids....he was an awesome man and saying that I will miss him is a pathetic understatement. I did this layout a few months ago of my grandparents when they were first married, I think I'm going to frame it and give it to my grandma...

After a great deal of discussion with Vince, I am going to start reworking my resume to look around for a new job...

I LOVE my school, LOVE my kids and other teachers, but the time away from home and the drive are killing me! I spend close to 3 hours of my day in the car...WAAAAAAAAAY too much time! So I'm going to fix my resume up and see what happens! Hopefully things will work out the way they are supposed to! :)

HOLY MOLY it's been forever!!!!!!!!!!! Just goes to show I don't have as much to bitch about when Vince is home :) If I do, I just bitch to him.....unless it's ABOUT him....then I call my sister!

Things are going well here, busy as always....the BIG news is, we have officially decided we are DONE having kids. We'd been going back and forth on it for a while now, but tonight Vince flat out told me he has no desire to have a 3rd child. I was expecting it and we had both been leaning in that direction, but I was suprised at how disappointed I was to hear it verbalized with such finality. I don't think I'm mentally prepared to be done having babies, but this is one thing that we can't compromise on...we can go back and forth about the color we want for our countertops, or what kind of pizza to order ;) but we can't "kind of" have a baby...it's either yes or no and it looks like we're done....

He will be back in California in about 13 hours.....I cannot believe it! It still hasn't hit me yet! Maybe because I've had so much going on at school and am so overwhelmed with everything else that is going on...who knows but HOLY SHIT HE WILL BE HERE TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so beyond excited, relieved, anxious..the butterflies are kicking in now and I can't stop thinking about what that awesome moment is going to be like, when we FINALLY get to see him again! I still get goosebumps whenever I think back to May 6th and December 10th...the return dates of previous deployments...just the sheer joy, excitement, anticipation, there are so many emotions that go along with a homecoming and I can't WAIT to be feeling all of them tenfold at this time tomorrow! MY LAST NIGHT OF GOING TO BED ALONE!!!!!!!!!!! THE OTHER SIDE OF THE BED IS OCCUPIED TOMORROW NIGHT.....WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks to my 3 faithful readers...love you girls, couldn't have done any of this the past 6 months without my yayas!! :)

It still hasn't sunk in that he's coming home...I'm not in denial or anything like that (as someone suggested "not-so-nicely") it just seems so surreal to me. He hasn't been in this house for SIX MONTHS and the thought of him being here seems odd..in a VERY VERY VERY good way! It will probably hit me on Wednesday night at about 11:30 or so as I'm rushing around making sure I have as much done as I possibly can...and I KNOW I'll still scramble around on Thursday before we leave to pick him up!

It just seems like Thursday will NEVER get here! Thankfully I have enough going on in the next 5 days that will keep me insanely busy, I'd go nuts waiting otherwise! Sooooooooooo lose a few pounds, finish painting Alex's room, clean the house and we should be set! :) FIVE MORE DAYS!!!!

Ok, so December 14th it is!!!!!!! YAY YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!!!! I cannot BELIEVE that he'll physically be here in less than 2 weeks! I'm still in shock...I can't wait to have him home finally!

His mom called today....BARF! It was the single most awkward conversation I have ever had with another human being before in my LIFE, even Sam said to me at one point in talking to her "mom, I don't know what to say!" The funny thing is, adults cover up the mouthpiece at moments like that, not so much with a 5 year old! LOL

But whatever, I could seriously care less! I have more important/exciting things going on...like my DESIGN TEAM position!!!!! I was chosen to be on the 2007 Design Team at Scrap4Life and I am SOOOOOOO honored, thrilled, shocked, excited...you name it, I'm feeling it! I FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY feel somewhat vindicated in my scrapbooking! YAHOO!

We have decided that we are staying in CA with our little family for Christmas and I am really looking forward to it! It'll be hard not being at home, especially since Christmas is SO huge on our side of the family but this will be good for us. Vince also suggested going somewhere in January WITHOUT the kids....yahoo to that! :)

Could this post have been MORE ADD????? Sheesh...I'll make it more random and add a picture of a recent Alex page..lol

MAYBE December 14th?!?!??! I got an email from another wife the other night telling me this is "THE DATE" for them to come home! But Vince has yet to spill the proverbial beans on that one...I think he's being cautious, doesn't want to get my hopes up or anything, understandable I guess but at least we now have a tentative date to look forward to! SO much more concrete than, "in a few weeks we hope" Hopefully we'll know for sure soon! We got to talk to him the other day and unfortunately after he talked to the kids, he and I got cut off...as I was babbling about Christmas lights! :( We never got to say I love you, and I hate it if our conversations don't end that way. I haven't heard from him since, not even an email. Today would be a great day to hear from him, I need him right now. Well I ALWAYS need him, but today is especially bad. I'm just ready to be done...pretty sure I've said that about a billion times by now! On a slightly more cheerful note, the house is decorated; looking and smelling (cinnamon pinecones..yum!) very Christmasy and ready for him to come home! :)

It's been a few days since I've heard from Vince...no big surprise there! Half the time I expect him to pull one of his "surprises" and walk through the door, and other times I'm dreading him telling me he won't be home as soon as we had hoped he would be. Once we get a better idea of when he'll be home, I'll feel better...I hope. In the meantime, there's plenty to keep me busy. I've submitted for a few DT calls, but I don't have high hopes. For every GOOD layout I do, someone is always better. I'm very proud of what I do, regardless of it being validated by me being picked for a DT, but I'd love an opportunity like that. It's frustrating to get rejected, because that's essentially what it is! At any rate, I certainly hope that the people choosing the KMA team will be more careful about their choices this time around...amazing that even in the world of scrapbooking, a name can mean everything!

Ready for him to come home!!!!!!! Oh so ready for this to be over with, I'm at the point where everything makes me sad and all I do is daydream about him coming home! LOL I scrapped this picture of us the other day from my trip to Okinawa...makes me even more anxious to have him home!

I cried at the grocery store tonight...twice...once when I saw a carton of egg nog (one of Vince's favorites) and then again when I guy wearing Vince's cologne walked behind me at the checkout counter. How pathetic am I???? I wasn't hardcore bawling, but if I had let myself, I definitely could have turned on the waterworks! He needs to come home and SOON, this is getting ridiculous! LOL OH and then he chose tonight to send a picture, I bawled and the kids almost killed each other in their rush to press their faces up against the monitor...all to see daddy!

I feel like I need to kind of negate the bitching with some happy stuff..lol

Believe it or not, we were at the BEACH yesterday! Gotta love California! The kids had so much fun, and more than once Sam commented "I wish daddy was here"

UGH.............this deployment totally sucks!!!! I hardly ever hear from Vince and when I DO, it's not like we have a GOOD conversation, there's no time for it or our emails are full of other stuff.....it's starting to piss me off. I KNOW he's busy, but come ON, sit down for 5 damn minutes and email your wife and children! I don't get it...

I just realized something that I've been doing for the past several weeks...checking in at various sites (ie KMA) BEFORE I even bother checking my email to see if I have any from Vince. Does that seem odd?? Don't ya think I'd be rushing to check to see if he has emailed me at all??? I used to, but now since I hear from him so rarely, I figure what's the rush? How friggin sad is that? The way this deployment has been going for the past month is so totally different from any other deployment, even when he was in Iraq. At least when he was over there, he had a valid excuse for not emailing regularly. I don't buy into the "I'm busy" bullshit...EVERYONE is fucking busy!!!!!!!!!!!! Does he not think I'm busy with a full time job, 2 kids, a house and everything that goes along with it?!?!?! It pisses me off, but of course I feel I can't "burden" him with that...he is after all, so very busy....

29 years old...sometimes I still feel so young, sometimes I feel WAY older....and a lot of times I look at my life, and think I'm just playing house! I feel too young to have a full time career, TWO kids, car payments, mortgage...all of the "fun" stuff that goes along with being an adult. I remember when I was younger WISHING desperately that I was older...now I want to go back! :) Just back to the simplicity and innocence of being younger, the worry-free days of playing ding-dong ditch with the neighborhood kids, walking down to 7-11 for a slurpee...those were the good ol' days! Not that I'm unhappy where I am, I truly can't think of anything that my life is lacking at this point. I have a husband who loves me and who I love more everyday, 2 children who are the reason I do what I do everyday, a family who has made me who I am, a beautiful home, a job that is so completely rewarding, one in which I can genuinely say I LOVE going to work (I'd say "everyday" but that'd be pushing it!)...there's nothing missing (other than a winning lottery ticket!) So if 29 is this good....bring it on 30! :)

Is it bad to say that I feel totally disconnected from my husband right now? I don't ever remember feeling this way during a deployment before...we haven't spoken in over 2 weeks, all I get are very brief emails, and he doesn't know when he'll be able to call. It's very frustrating to say the least! I just feel so withdrawn from it all, I'm basically going through the motions right now, unable to snap out of it. I'm tense at home, tense at school, snap at the kids (biological ones and students!), not sleeping...what the hell is up with that?? It's just so odd that I'm here, doing my thing day in, day out, and I have absolutely NO idea where my husband is, what he's doing, HOW he's doing...I just miss having regular communication, at least before we had that. Now it feels like I have no connection to him at all! Maybe I'll send him this link so he can at least read what's going on with me! :)

The kids and I discovered "Photo Booth" on my laptop tonight...gotta love my Mac!!! I had NO idea there was an integrated camera in this sucker! It's going to be so much easier to email pictures to Vince now! YAY!!!!!